Both of my pregnancies (2004 & 2007) have been masked by two life changing events.
In 2004, my beloved Mother passed away. She was my everything. She was a mom, a friend, a role model, and an angel walking amongst us. She was amazing! I remember in late November of 2003 I asked my Mom what she wanted for Christmas that year. She said, "I want grandchildren." She knew that Andy and I where going to start trying for a family in January 2004. And so we did.
We rolled into the New Year (2004) and started right away. I documented every attempt and kept a journal. On January 14th my Mom called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I just turned 31 years old. By this time the disease (ALS) had robbed my Mom of speech and anything that came out of her mouth was slurred and hard to comprehend to anyone other than family. But, on that day I heard her crystal clear, and she blurted out, "Happy Birthday Missy - I love you." It was the best birthday greeting I've ever received. And, that was the last time I ever heard my mothers voice. She died five days later.
My Mom passed away at home in her sleep surrounded by my father, my two brothers and their wives. The truly beautiful thing of her passing is that she said her goodbye to me early that morning. You can read about my experience here. Years earlier when I moved to Georgia I gave my mom some wind chimes to hang on a tree outside her kitchen window. I told her that when she heard the sound of those wind chimes chiming to think of me - because the wind was sending my love to her.
Well, the morning she passed was the morning my wind chimes spoke to me. I didn't know it at the time - but after I received a call from my father - I knew the sound of those chimes was her saying goodbye. It was beautiful.
On February 14th, I found out I was pregnant. We were extremely happy. However, I spent the next nine months (and more) mourning the loss of my mother. It was a very emotional pregnancy and birth. I remember telling myself to be strong because I had a baby growing inside of me and this baby was counting on me to be healthy.
I talk about Grandma Sullivan all the time with my now 3 year old daughter. She knows that Grandma Sullivan is an Angel living up in the sky. She knows that Grandma Sullivan looks after us and sends us love. My Mom was an amazing women.
And, with pregnancy number two I find out that I have breast cancer. The day after I took my pregnancy test was the day I found the lump. That day was May 4th 2007. This has been an extremely emotional pregnancy for me and my Husband. I've had to face my own fears of death. I've had to make decisions that I never thought in a million years I would have to make. I've undergone a major surgery to remove my left breast. I've had a minor surgical procedure to place a port in my chest. I've undergone 18 weeks of aggressive chemotherapy. And, I'm about to undergo another minor surgical procedure to remove the chest port.
I've been poked. I've been prodded. I've been cut. I've been injected with numerous types of medicine. My body has been through so much in such a short period of time. I've done all of this with a baby growing inside of me. It still amazes me when I look back at everything we've been through together. I've been fighting all the way. Fighting for me, my health, my three year old daughter, my husband, my strength, my sanity, my faith, my hope, my life and most important - I've been fighting for my baby boy growing inside.
This upcoming New Year my baby boy is to be born. His estimated date of arrival is January 9th, 2008. All I can think about is what a great birthday present for me. My birthday is January 14th and I will be 35 years old.
To sum it up.....
9 months after the death of my mom my daughter was born.
9 months after finding a cancerous lump, my son will be born.
No comments:
Post a Comment