Moments of Disbelief

I still have my moments of disbelief.

For a split second I stop and say, "this is really happening to me." These moments are few and far between - but they do happen. I try hard not to let these moments last long because I don't want to focus my energy or put energy into: why me?....or, how could this be?

Since the very beginning I said, I don't care that I have cancer and I don't care how I got it --- I just need to get rid of it. There's no use in pondering the what ifs and the how comes. The fact is, I had a tumor growing in my body. AND, the reality is that this tumor was growing for some time - it didn't just appear. By the time I found my cancer it was palpable. I was able to feel the marble size tumor under my skin. This tumor had been growing for several years.

My daily focus and energy is to proceed with life as before my diagnosis. I've always been the one to go with the flow. I can honestly say that I am going with the flow on this one. Metaphorically speaking - I jumped into the river after the diagnosis and I'm riding the current. I'm not trying to tread water, hold onto the side or swim up stream. I'm cruising down river and taking everything as it comes.

The past is the past. Today is today. And tomorrow will be.