Even though I feel like I've been breezing through chemotherapy I can honestly say that it's been a daily challenge (emotionally, physically, and mentally).
I knew when I decided to go down the path with chemotherapy treatment that I was going to be the most important "player" in this "game". Everyday it's me against me. It's me against my thoughts...my body....my life...my emotions...my appearance....my pregnancy...my future.
Some days it's easier to juggle all these emotions and some days it's not. To think that I still have two more months of chemo left exhausts me. Eventhough it's only three more treatments it's still a day in day out challenge. I know it's cliche to say but I really do take it one day at a time. If I think too far ahead it becomes overwhelming. I'm currenlty just trying to get through chemo and pregnancy. After the birth of my baby then the next leg of treatment begins (hormonal therapy, diagnostic testing, PET Scans, etc.)
When I become overwhelmed I close my eyes and visualize that I'm getting a hug from my mom (she passed away in January 2004). She's been with me every step of the way. I know she's been with me because in times of weakness when I'm crying I get a sudden sense of calm and suddenly the tears stop falling and my breath returns to normal. It's comforting. I know she's sending me strength and I know she's watching over me and my baby.
So, instead of cursing my current life's circumstance I choose to embrace all that is lovely and I truly count my daily blessings.
It's me against me -- day after day.
Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it. ~Anne De Lenclos~
1 comment:
Melissa,
There is nothing like a mother's love. It's awesome to hear you speak of the comfort she brings you (as only a mother can). She made you strong and beautiful. A fighter and a survivor! God bless her! And god bless you! I have no doubt that she is proudly watching over you and protecting both you and your baby. That's just what mother's do. Forever. Gather your strength my friend. This world has only just begun to see what you can "sock to it". You are one serious force to be reckoned with! Everybody stand back and look out.
All my love,
Annette
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